By Ingrid Fetell Lee
A guide to joyful gift-giving
Author’s Note: This post was originally published on November 21, 2019. It has been updated and reposted.
Gift guides can be a source of both excitement and frustration. We eagerly anticipate their arrival, hoping they will spark inspiration for finding the perfect presents for our loved ones. Yet, after browsing countless pages filled with the latest gadgets and gourmet kitchenware, we often find ourselves empty-handed, struggling to discover truly meaningful gift ideas. It’s rare to stumble upon a gift that truly resonates from such generic lists.
A Guide to Joyful Gift-Giving
This year, let’s explore a different approach: a guide to joyful gift-giving. Rather than presenting a typical list of product recommendations categorized by recipient type, we’ll delve into a more profound and joyful philosophy of Gift Giving. This guide provides key questions and principles to help you select gifts that genuinely bring joy and strengthen connections with everyone on your list, moving beyond the typical gift guide format.
Repeat after me: The Myth of the Perfect Gift
While the season of gift-giving is often associated with happiness, it can also trigger feelings of anxiety and pressure. Many experience gift-giving stress, leading to procrastination and last-minute rushes. For those inclined to perfectionism, like myself, gift-giving can feel particularly daunting. We strive to find that “wow” gift, the one that is both thoughtful and personal, priced just right to express generosity without causing discomfort or obligation for the receiver. We might dwell on past gifts, feeling pressured to surpass them, or even fall into competitive thinking, comparing our gifts to those given by others. Our ego can become entangled, making us believe that the reception of our gift reflects our own worth. (Ouch! – we’ve all been there.)
To alleviate this pressure, let’s revisit a fundamental question about gift giving:
What is the True Purpose of Gift Giving?
While occasionally a gift will become a cherished keepsake, aiming for absolute perfection sets an unrealistically high standard. It’s far more helpful to remember that the core reason for gift giving is to demonstrate care and affection. A truly good gift is one that makes the recipient feel valued, loved, and appreciated. This shift in perspective is crucial. Searching for the “perfect gift” feels like solving a puzzle with only one solution, when in reality, there are countless ways to show someone you care. This approach shifts the focus away from the price tag, prestige, or perceived uniqueness of the gift and redirects it to what truly matters: the recipient’s feelings and experience.
Remember, the Recipient’s Reaction is Beyond Your Control.
If you’ve ever encountered someone who reacted negatively to a gift you offered, you might find the whole process of gift giving fraught with anxiety. Will the gift be perceived as generous enough? Will there be passive-aggressive comments disguised as compliments? Or will they simply hide their disappointment, silently judging you? (If these questions seem foreign, consider yourself fortunate, but for many, these anxieties are all too real.)
For those facing such situations, gift shopping can become paralyzing. It’s vital to remember that while your intention is to make the recipient feel cared for, their reaction is ultimately outside your control. Focus on having thoughtful intentions. As you shop, remind yourself that your goal is to express your care and love, not to seek approval or avoid criticism. By focusing on your genuine feelings, you can feel confident in your gift, regardless of the response.
Questions to Guide Your Joyful Gift Giving
Many gift guides categorize suggestions by recipient type, like “for the cook” or “for the book lover.” While these categories can be a starting point, truly exceptional gifts often connect with the recipient’s more specific joys and interests. As relationship therapist Nedra Tawwab shared during The Joy Makeover, “The best gifts I’ve ever received were not even huge things but it was from people being intentional about things that would spark joy in me.”
Giving a specific, thoughtful gift communicates that you truly listen and pay attention. It shows you value who they are and what excites them. In Nedra’s words, “It’s important to know what people need, not what we want them to need.” But how do you uncover these specifics? Here are some guiding questions to help you delve deeper. If you don’t have immediate answers, keep these in mind as you interact with your loved ones in the coming days.
What Truly Brings Them Joy?
- Do they have any cherished collections?
- Are there places that hold special significance for them? Could you find artifacts or mementos from these places as a gift?
- What are their unique quirks, passions, or hobbies?
- Which artists, authors, or musicians do they admire?
- What items do they frequently admire but rarely purchase for themselves? Identifying these coveted-but-denied items can reveal wonderful gift opportunities.
My husband, Albert, excels at this last point. He consistently notices things I want but hesitate to buy myself. For instance, a few years ago, I was admiring a particular designer handbag. I mentioned to him that I would treat myself to it upon finishing my book. However, once the book was done, the price seemed too extravagant, and I kept postponing the purchase. Then, last year, that very handbag appeared as a gift under the tree.
What Could Enhance Their Joy and Well-being?
- What new skills or knowledge are they eager to acquire?
- What challenges are they currently facing? Could you research innovative solutions they might not have considered?
- What aspects of life do they wish to prioritize or make more time for?
- Who are they when they are at their happiest and most authentic? Can you give a gift that acknowledges and celebrates this quality? For someone who is a natural caregiver, consider gifts that provide them with self-care.
Exceptional gifts can affirm and celebrate a person’s identity, reminding them of their strengths and aspirations. When I asked the joyspotters community on Instagram about the most meaningful gifts they had received, one touching response came from @medium.lady: “The best gift was a custom-made pink tutu that I received as a little girl. I dreamed of being a ballerina, and at the time, it was my most prized possession. While I never became a ballerina, I still cherish the way the gift made me feel – like all my dreams and ambitions were within reach.”
Joyful Gift Ideas: Practical and Heartfelt
The questions above are particularly effective when choosing gifts for those you know intimately. But what about selecting a gift for a client, a professional contact, or someone you don’t know as well, where a highly personal gift might feel too intimate?
In these situations, I rely on a few guiding principles to choose gifts that are more joyful and less generic. (Remember, combining these strategies can amplify the impact of your gift!)
1. Give the Gift of Life: Plants
Alt text: A vibrant green potted plant wrapped as a thoughtful gift, symbolizing growth and well-being.
Plants are known to reduce stress and bring a timeless sense of joy to any environment. Giving plants or flowers is a simple yet powerful way to convey, “I care about your well-being.” I often choose plants from The Sill because they are beautifully packaged upon arrival, and you can select from a variety of pots to match the recipient’s taste. Plants make excellent gifts, especially for those who appreciate a touch of nature indoors.
2. Embrace Abundance in Gift Giving
One way to elevate an ordinary gift is to incorporate an element of abundance. When I was young, I had an unusual fondness for artichokes. One birthday, my dad surprised me with an entire box of them shipped directly from California. The sheer quantity was overwhelming, and the memory of that abundant gift still stands out years later as one of my favorites.
You can also create abundance through color. A box of macarons becomes instantly more captivating when arranged in a rainbow gradient. Consider the difference between gifting a few random nail polish colors versus a curated selection of rainbow hues. The monetary value might be similar, but the intentional color gradient makes the gift feel more thoughtful and abundant.
3. Gift Time or Space: Invaluable Presents
Elizabeth Dunn, a psychologist specializing in the relationship between money and happiness, points out that one expenditure people often hesitate to make for themselves, yet consistently boosts happiness, is buying more free time. This principle applies equally to gift giving. Gifting a visit from a cleaning service or babysitting service can provide the recipient with a precious free day to pursue hobbies or simply relax. A gift of a photo digitizing service not only preserves cherished memories but also frees the recipient from countless hours of scanning and organizing.
Similarly, in our increasingly cluttered homes, a gift of professional organizing services can help someone create more space for what truly matters. (However, approach this gift with sensitivity, ensuring the recipient understands your intention is to help, not to critique their housekeeping.)
You don’t always need to hire professionals to give the gift of time or space. Personal acts of service can be incredibly meaningful. As @mizzbeth61 shared on Instagram, “Some friends had to wait for a flight at my home while I was at work. When I returned, they had done my dishes and floors! An early ‘birthday’ present since they would be gone on my actual birthday. Totally unexpected and so appreciated.”
4. Gifts That Ease Hard Times: Comfort and Support
Winters can be long and gloomy, making gifts that alleviate this dreariness universally appreciated. I’ve found that watching birds at a bird feeder makes winter much more enjoyable. Last year, I asked my dad and stepmom if they might enjoy one too. (Following my own rule about asking before giving large gifts!) They were delighted, and we’ve shared bird sightings throughout the colder months, creating a joyful connection.
Similarly, @geetasadashivan commented, “The best gift I ever received was for my 50th birthday from my daughter. It was a gloomy fall day. I came home from work to my dark kitchen, saw a box from Amazon labeled ‘book light.’ I thought, ‘That will be handy for reading in bed.’ Inside, there was another brown box. I assumed it was packaging. I opened it, and WHOA!!! It fanned out and lit up the counter! My jaw dropped! It was the most magical and surprising gift ever!” (The gift was a book-shaped lamp with illuminating pages.)
When it’s dark, give light. When it’s cold, give warmth. When the world is overwhelming, offer humor. Seek out what brings balance to a difficult moment and share that through your gift giving.
5. The Personal Touch of Handmade Gifts
Alt text: A beautifully wrapped handmade gift adorned with a delicate ribbon, representing personal care and effort.
You don’t need to create the entire gift from scratch unless you are particularly crafty. However, incorporating a handmade element can make even a simple gift feel deeply personal. This is especially true for experiential gifts. For Albert’s birthday, I wanted to treat him to an omakase sushi meal at a restaurant of his choice. But there wasn’t a tangible item to present. So, I researched the top three sushi restaurants I thought he’d like and created a custom menu that mimicked those found in sushi restaurants. I included reviews of each place, even excerpts from humorous Yelp reviews. This gave him something to “open” and built anticipation for the experience.
This strategy is also effective for gift certificates, which can be practical and allow recipients to choose what they want, but can sometimes feel impersonal. Creative gift wrapping and presentation can communicate your thoughtfulness, transforming even a simple gift card into a heartfelt expression of love.
6. Surprise and Enchantment: Gifts of Wonder
Sometimes, the most memorable gifts aren’t durable objects but fleeting moments of pure delight. On Instagram, @therealmellieg shared: “One of my favorite gifts comes before Christmas. In early December, my mother-in-law sends me a box of loose evergreens and wintery fillers from a farm in Maine. It’s wonderful because opening this fragrant box is like instant inspiration and an invitation to create. I use them in wreaths, make pretty displays around the house. I’m even gifting them to others this year because it’s such a joy to receive.”
Food-based gifts can also create moments of surprise and enchantment. I love giving beautifully decorated and packaged sweets, like bonbons from Stick With Me Sweets. Their round shapes, vibrant colors, and whimsical book-like packaging pack a lot of joyful aesthetics into one gift, even if the treats are quickly enjoyed! Perishable gifts like these are particularly suitable when you’re unsure of someone’s personal style, as they make a strong impression without contributing to long-term clutter.
7. Gifts That Build Memories: Experiences to Treasure
If you aim to give joyful moments, focus on gifts that help create lasting memories and shared experiences. I was deeply touched by this gift story from @murphie1167: “For my 50th birthday, my husband bought a beautiful wool camping blanket and sewed patches onto it from all the places I had visited: before him, with our sons as a family, and as a couple. Now, every time we visit a new place, we buy a patch, and he sews it on. The sewing itself is remarkable because he is NOT a sewer! I love looking at that blanket and hope it gathers many more patches.”
A gift like this is perfect for someone you know well, but the principle applies even to those you don’t. Who can resist the charm of a Polaroid-style instant camera, for example? Or a DIY kit related to their interests? Gifts that facilitate memory-making are always cherished.
8. Share What You Love: Gifts from the Heart
While focusing on the recipient is generally key, there are times when sharing something you personally love can be truly joyful. Are there books you’ve recently read that you’re eager to discuss with someone? Do you have a cherished recipe you could share? A tool that has simplified your life? Are you knowledgeable about new gadgets, wines, or other items? When someone I don’t know well gives me something they are passionate about and explains their enthusiasm, it always feels meaningful and thoughtful. Sharing your own joys can be a wonderful way to connect through gift giving.
Gifting Killjoys: What to Avoid in Gift Giving
Before concluding, I want to highlight a few gift-giving pitfalls that can diminish the joy of a present. Some of these might seem obvious, but they are worth mentioning to ensure your gift-giving is truly joyful and well-received.
Don’t Preach: Gifts Aren’t for Conversion.
It’s a gift, not an intervention. Even if you genuinely believe encouraging your parent, sibling, or friend to adopt the keto diet is an act of “care,” unless they’ve specifically requested it, it’s best to save it for another time. Unsolicited advice disguised as a gift can be off-putting.
Avoid Large or Heavy Gifts Without Prior Confirmation.
You risk diminishing the goodwill of your gift if the recipient is burdened with the hassle of moving or storing it. Always check if a large or bulky item is welcome before sending it.
Perishable Gifts and Holiday Travel Don’t Mix.
Those popular Harry and David pears? Ensure they arrive by December 15th at the latest to be safe, especially during peak holiday shipping. Having experienced the annoyance of a disgruntled doorman due to a package of rotting fruit languishing in the mailroom since Christmas, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. The gift was wasted, and everyone was inconvenienced. If you’re late with your gift, consider making it a New Year’s gift instead of a Christmas present.
Be Mindful of Alcohol Gifts.
Until recently, wine and champagne were my go-to gifts – festive and generally well-received. However, after giving up alcohol for a period, I reconsidered this. While I wouldn’t have been offended by an alcoholic gift, the assumption that everyone drinks is, at best, presumptive and, at worst, insensitive. What if I had inadvertently sent champagne to someone in recovery? Gifting something unusable, or potentially harmful, seems inappropriate. With a growing trend towards reduced alcohol consumption, it’s safer to avoid alcohol gifts unless you are certain the recipient drinks and would appreciate it.
Leave Your Logo Off: It’s a Gift, Not an Advertisement.
Many companies brand holiday or appreciation gifts, believing it will keep their company top-of-mind for clients. But realistically, who wants to display a branded candle, clock, or calendar? Logo-branded items often end up in the trash. Adding a logo transforms a gift into an advertisement, creating visual clutter and detracting from the joy of the object. Focus on giving a memorable gift, and trust that your generosity will be remembered. (If branding is essential, consider a discreet sticker or engraving on the bottom or in an inconspicuous spot, for subtle recognition if needed.)
I hope this unconventional guide to gift giving provides helpful inspiration as you prepare for the holiday season and beyond. Have you ever received a truly joyful gift? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments. Happy holidays and happy gift giving!
