My guest room has become an obstacle course. Boxes of baby gear – a walker, a train set, musical toys, and mountains of colorful balls – are stacked high, still in their pristine, unopened packaging. Nearby, a tower of children’s books leans precariously, their pages yet to be explored. It’s a testament to the generosity of our loved ones, showering our son with First Birthday Gifts. His first birthday party was months ago, and the sheer volume of presents has sparked a question: is it time to rethink gift-giving altogether?
In this whirlwind first year of parenthood, amidst the sleepless nights and joyous milestones, the question of first birthday gifts has emerged as a surprisingly complex issue. It’s a “First-World problem,” undoubtedly, but one that resonates with many modern parents: how do we best celebrate our child’s first birthday without being overwhelmed by stuff? Specifically, should we even accept gifts?
My husband, Paras, and I have long preferred experiences over material possessions. For years, we’ve opted for paragliding adventures or donations to causes we care about, instead of traditional gifts for each other. For our wedding, we even asked guests to donate to UN Women, raising over $25,000 – a choice that felt deeply meaningful to us.
However, the arrival of our son, Veer, changed the landscape. For my baby shower, I requested donations to Mary’s Place, a local charity, rather than a traditional gift registry. My thoughtful organizers – my mother, sister, and friends – had a different, equally heartwarming idea: they asked guests to bring their favorite childhood books. The result was a beautiful collection of stories, filling giant bookshelves we built in Veer’s nursery with over 50 books. It was a wonderful gesture, perfectly capturing the spirit of giving.
But Veer’s first birthday presented a new challenge. Could we, in good conscience, deny our firstborn the first birthday gifts that people so lovingly wanted to give?
Our thinking went back and forth, a familiar pattern in this parenting journey. On one hand, Veer was still too young to understand birthdays or gifts. If we were ever going to opt out of presents, this was the perfect time, before tantrums and toy demands entered the picture. Plus, there were so many worthy organizations that could benefit from donations in his name. It felt like a chance to instill values of giving back from the very beginning.
On the other hand, this was a significant milestone, not just for Veer, but for us as parents. There was an emotional aspect to consider: we didn’t want to make loved ones feel like they couldn’t express their affection for Veer through gifts. We also anticipated pushback from grandparents, who were already planning gifts from afar. Furthermore, in my Indian culture, first birthdays are a grand celebration. Paras’s parents, known for their understated style, still hosted over 150 guests for his first birthday! It’s a cultural moment laden with significance.
Seeking guidance, I reached out to friends who had navigated the “no gifts” route before. Their creativity was inspiring. One friend created “experience vouchers” for her daughter. Guests could gift a trip to the park, a sleepover, or a picnic – wonderful ideas, but more practical for families with local networks. I couldn’t quite picture my friends with young children volunteering to take on my toddler as well!
Another friend had guests volunteer at a food bank to celebrate her child’s birthday. A beautiful concept, but it felt more appropriate for when Veer was older and could actively participate in giving back himself.
Many friends had created donation links in lieu of gifts. However, I worried about “donation fatigue.” In our social media-saturated world, with constant appeals for worthy causes, giving can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Ultimately, we opted for a middle-ground approach. We sent out Veer’s invitations without mentioning gifts – a subtle, universal signal that gifts are welcome but not expected. For ourselves, Paras and I decided to donate baby food to a local food bank, measured by Veer’s weight, a tradition in our family. This way, Veer’s first birthday would have a meaningful element of giving, while our guests felt free to express their love in their own way, including choosing first birthday gifts.
And while we genuinely weren’t expecting a mountain of presents, it was touching to see the thoughtful gifts our loved ones chose for Veer. A friend, remembering Veer’s fascination with our TV remote, gifted him a baby-safe version. My sister sent a Lego set from Singapore, and his uncle bought him his first train set. These weren’t just toys; they were tokens of love and connection.
This approach felt right for his first birthday. However, as we look to future birthdays, we are leaning towards requesting donations in lieu of gifts. Eventually, our goal is to volunteer together as a family on his birthday, making giving back a central part of his celebration.
In the end, I’ve realized there’s no definitive answer, no right or wrong way to handle first birthday gifts. Every parent’s approach is valid. As Veer grows and begins to understand the meaning of birthdays, I’m excited to show him the many ways we can celebrate and give back to the world. And, perhaps most practically, I’m looking forward to reclaiming my guest bedroom!
