I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I started giving Client Gifts. The details of that first gesture – who it was for, what I chose – are lost to time. However, years ago, I established a personal tradition of offering gifts at significant junctures in my clients’ lives. During my psychology training, if gift-giving was even mentioned, it was strictly in the context of receiving gifts from clients and maintaining professional boundaries. The idea of a therapist initiating gift-giving was largely seen as a boundary violation. Yet, four decades into my practice, my perspective has evolved considerably.
Why Consider Client Gifts? Recognizing the Therapeutic Relationship
Offering a client gift is a powerful way to acknowledge the unique and profound bond formed in therapy. It provides an opportunity to reinforce the deep sense of being understood and known that often characterizes the therapeutic alliance. While transference and countertransference are integral aspects of the therapist-client dynamic, they don’t encompass the entirety of the relationship. Allowing our human side to show through can be a genuine gift in itself. Over the years, I’ve curated a selection of meaningful items to offer during major life transitions. For clients entering marriage, I give a copy of Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. When a baby arrives, Make Way for Ducklings is my choice. And for clients moving away or concluding therapy, a stone coffee coaster featuring the town seal of Brookline, where my office was once located, serves as a parting memento.
Furthermore, sending condolence cards is a practice I uphold when clients experience significant loss. Recently, a client who received a card upon his father’s passing commented on its formality. He felt it was somewhat out of sync with his perception of me, perhaps too traditional. As cultural and generational norms evolve, I recognize the need to continually reassess these choices.
My approach to client gifts isn’t rule-based; I don’t give them to every client. My decision is guided by an intuitive sense of whether the gesture will be positively received and if acknowledging our relationship beyond session boundaries would be beneficial. There’s an inherent human element within the professional alliance that I believe is valuable to express. It reflects my gratitude for the trust clients place in me. For some, it can also serve as a powerful instance of modeling kindness.
Exploring Different Perspectives on Client Gift Practices
In preparation for writing about client gifts, I reached out to a dozen colleagues to gather their perspectives on this practice. I realized I had never openly discussed my tradition with another clinician, nor had I heard anyone else broach the subject. Despite some initial apprehension about potential judgment, I approached these conversations with genuine curiosity, free from bias regarding their practices. My primary interest was in understanding their reasoning, regardless of their stance.
These exploratory discussions revealed that only one colleague regularly incorporates client gifts into their practice. She noted that clients with more significant trauma histories were more likely to receive a gift, as a means to support their healing journey. Others mentioned acknowledging life events through phone calls or text messages, mirroring their personal relationship practices. Interestingly, one therapist recounted the profound impact of gifts she had received from her own therapist years ago – mementos she still cherishes. However, she herself had not adopted the practice, citing the challenge of finding gifts she considered sufficiently meaningful.
Several questions remain unanswered for me. Does the age range of the patient population influence the appropriateness of client gifts? Do the genders of the therapist and client play a role in gift selection or perception? How do different training backgrounds and years of experience shape therapists’ views on gift-giving in therapy?
Finally, the rise of remote therapy introduces another layer of complexity. Will the shift to primarily online sessions diminish gift-giving, either from therapist to client or vice versa? In my own fully remote practice, I have noticed a decrease in holiday gifts received from clients compared to when I practiced in person. Yet, I have maintained my tradition of giving client gifts, even though it now entails more trips to the post office, and I miss the personal connection of handing a gift directly to a client.
Conclusion: Client Gifts as a Tangible Expression of Care
Giving client gifts has enriched my therapeutic practice. While verbal communication is my primary tool in therapy, gift-giving provides a tangible way to express my value and care for clients. It serves as a concrete symbol of the authentic relationship that emerges from years of dedicated work together. Client gifts, when thoughtfully considered, can be a meaningful extension of the therapeutic process.
