The pastor’s words echoed in my young mind, “You probably don’t have the gift of singleness.” At 19, grappling with loneliness and temptation, this pronouncement felt less like a pastoral insight and more like a life sentence. His implication was clear: my struggles were proof I lacked this ‘gift,’ a temporary state before the inevitable arrival of marriage. But for someone navigating same-sex attraction and a commitment to faith, marriage wasn’t the straightforward path assumed. Was I, then, destined to a joyless singleness, perpetually without this elusive “gift”? The prospect was bleak.
This well-meaning pastor, like many, subscribed to the idea of the gift of singleness as a kind of superpower – an extraordinary ability to thrive in a state most would find unbearable. This understanding, while prevalent, is not only problematic – creating a division between singles with and without the ‘gift’ – but also, arguably, a misinterpretation of the biblical text.
In the Bible, the gift of singleness is simply the state of being single itself.
The biblical perspective, particularly in 1 Corinthians 7, paints a different picture. The gift of singleness isn’t a superpower reserved for a select few; it’s the present reality for anyone who is single. Similarly, marriage is a gift bestowed upon those who are married. God empowers individuals to live within the gift they currently possess, be it singleness or marriage. This empowerment, however, doesn’t elevate singleness to a superhuman feat of contentment.
Paul’s Teachings on Singleness: Understanding 1 Corinthians 7
The concept of ‘gift’ in this context originates from the Apostle Paul’s discourse in 1 Corinthians 7, where he addresses marriage, singleness, and divorce. As a single man himself, Paul expresses his preference: “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Corinthians 7:7, ESV).
Paul’s inclination towards singleness isn’t presented as a universal mandate but as a personal viewpoint, grounded in practical advantages he elaborates on later in the chapter. He acknowledges that God distributes different gifts – suggesting a binary choice: the gift of marriage or the gift of singleness. Therefore, according to Paul, if you are single, you are, by definition, experiencing the gift of singleness. Your current state, whether married or single, is God’s gift to you in this season.
The term ‘gift’ (charisma in Greek) is often associated with spiritual gifts, abilities given to Christians for communal benefit (1 Corinthians 12:1-11). These are empowering gifts for specific actions. However, charisma has a broader usage in Paul’s writings, encompassing gifts like grace, eternal life, and answered prayer (Romans 5:15-16; 6:23; 11:29; 2 Corinthians 1:11). Contextually, there’s no compelling reason to interpret the ‘gift of singleness’ in 1 Corinthians 7 as a spiritual superpower, especially as Paul doesn’t explicitly link it to the Holy Spirit in this passage.
Another point of confusion arises from Paul’s advice regarding sexual desire: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9, ESV). Proponents of the ‘superpower’ view interpret this as evidence that the gift of singleness inherently includes exceptional sexual self-control. However, Paul doesn’t state that struggling with self-control signifies the absence of the gift of singleness. Instead, he suggests marriage as a viable option for those finding celibacy challenging. This aligns perfectly with the understanding that singleness itself is the gift, as mentioned in verse 7. Paul’s counsel is practical: if managing sexual desire within singleness is difficult, pursuing the gift of marriage, where appropriate according to Scripture, is a sensible alternative.
For Paul, the essence of the gift of singleness lies in the state of being unmarried, not in possessing a superhuman resilience to hardship.
Jesus’ Perspective on Singleness: Insights from Matthew 19
Jesus also touches upon the concept of singleness in Matthew 19, during a discourse sparked by the Pharisees’ question about divorce. Jesus redirects the conversation to the foundational principles of marriage as established in Creation (Genesis 1-2). He emphasizes marriage as a lifelong, unified partnership, making divorce and remarriage adultery, except in cases of sexual immorality.
This stringent view on marriage and divorce surprised even Jesus’ disciples, who responded, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10, ESV). They anticipated Jesus softening his stance, but instead, Jesus agreed with their sentiment, albeit with a crucial clarification: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given” (Matthew 19:11, ESV).
While Jesus doesn’t explicitly use the word ‘gift’ (charisma), he speaks of something being ‘given’ or ‘granted.’ This ‘something given’ is often equated with the superpower of singleness. However, Jesus elaborates, offering a different interpretation.
Alt Text: Joyful wedding celebration scene with diverse guests offering gifts to a happy couple, symbolizing the communal aspect of marriage and gift-giving within relationships.
These are individuals whose circumstances have led them to singleness, and Jesus suggests that they are among those who are enabled to accept singleness as a positive state.
Jesus describes three categories of eunuchs – figures representing single, celibate individuals in this context. The term ‘eunuch,’ a man unable to procreate, underscores the departure from societal norms of marriage and parenthood in Jesus’ time. These individuals are single for varied reasons: some by birth, some due to external actions, and others by choice for the sake of serving God. Crucially, the first two categories are involuntary. They haven’t chosen singleness based on possessing a superpower. Instead, their life circumstances have resulted in singleness, and Jesus affirms that these individuals are among those ‘to whom it has been given’ to receive singleness positively. What is given to them is singleness itself – the state of being unmarried is the gift.
Embracing the Opportunity of Singleness
Jesus concludes his teaching on singleness with the encouragement: “Let the one who is able to receive this [singleness], receive it” (Matthew 19:12, ESV). He challenges those who are single to embrace and find value in their current state. This isn’t a directive against marriage for single individuals. It simply emphasizes utilizing the present gift of singleness fully while it is theirs.
Paul echoes this sentiment, acknowledging the freedom to marry (1 Corinthians 7:28, 36, 38) but highlighting the unique opportunities within singleness, particularly “undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:34-35, ESV).
The gift of singleness isn’t a superpower granting superhuman contentment. It is, however, a significant opportunity. For those currently experiencing this gift – whether for a season or a lifetime – let us embrace it, recognizing the unique avenues for service, growth, and devotion it provides. Let’s receive the gift we have been given and explore the rich opportunities it unfolds.
