Christmas. The word itself conjures images of twinkling lights, festive gatherings, and of course, gifts. But what truly makes a gift special? Is it the price tag, the size, or something more profound? We often find ourselves caught in the whirlwind of holiday shopping, wondering if we’ve chosen the “right” Christmas gifts. Today, let’s delve into the essence of gift-giving, exploring beyond the material and into the realm of heartfelt connection and meaningful presents, especially when considering Christmas gifts.
Like the father I spoke with yesterday, many grapple with the question of Christmas gifts. He was torn about gifting his college-student daughter a used car. A car, a substantial Christmas gift, could ease her daily struggles, yet he worried about spoiling her. This father’s dilemma resonates with the complexities of giving Christmas gifts – what is truly helpful versus potentially detrimental? It’s a question that goes beyond mere presents and touches upon the deeper meaning of our intentions when choosing Christmas gifts.
Christmas gift-giving isn’t always the joyous, seamless experience we envision. It’s fraught with potential missteps. Will the recipient truly appreciate our Christmas gifts? Will they understand the thought behind them? My own track record with Christmas gifts is, shall we say, imperfect. The uncertainty is so palpable that I often resort to wrapping presents in the original store boxes, just in case a return is needed.
Yet, despite the challenges, the dream of being a truly great gift-giver persists. I imagine the scene: eyes widening with delight, smiles radiating genuine joy, and perhaps even a tear or two, signifying that the Christmas gift has touched not just their hands, but their hearts. This aspiration, I believe, is shared by many. Some of you are likely already masters of thoughtful Christmas gifts. But even seasoned givers might ponder the secret ingredient that elevates a Christmas gift from mere object to cherished token.
Throughout my life, I’ve observed individuals who possess this gift-giving finesse. They haven’t offered explicit instructions, but through observation, I’ve formulated what I call “The Eyring Theory of Gift Giving and Receiving.” Consider it a work in progress, open to refinement and personal interpretation. Think of it as a framework to enhance your own understanding and approach to giving, particularly when selecting Christmas gifts.
This theory, while informed by countless gifts and holidays, crystallized around a single, poignant event – the day my mother passed away. It was not Christmas, nor even close. A summer afternoon. After the hospital, my brother, father, and I returned to our family home, a quiet gathering of three.
Friends and family came and went, offering condolences. In a quiet moment, we shared a simple snack. As dusk descended, and we sat in the dimming light, the doorbell rang once more. It was Aunt Catherine and Uncle Bill. Stepping inside, Uncle Bill extended a hand, revealing a mason jar filled with glistening cherries. “You might enjoy these,” he said gently. “You probably haven’t had dessert.”
Indeed, we hadn’t. The three of us sat at the kitchen table, bowls of ruby-red cherries before us, as Uncle Bill and Aunt Catherine quietly cleared some dishes. Uncle Bill then offered, “Are there people you haven’t had time to call? Give me some names, and I’ll take care of it.” We mentioned a few relatives who needed to be informed of my mother’s passing. And just as quickly, they were gone, their visit lasting no more than twenty minutes.
To truly grasp my theory, focus on that seemingly simple Christmas gift – the bottle of cherries. And consider it from the perspective of the receiver – in this case, myself. This receiver-centric view is key. The true measure of a gift lies not in the giver’s intention alone, but in the recipient’s experience of it. This is especially crucial when we think about Christmas gifts; we want them to resonate with the receiver. Let’s explore this further, starting from my inner experience of that unexpected Christmas gift of cherries.
In my experience, great gift-giving, especially when we’re talking about meaningful Christmas gifts, hinges on three core elements. These elements were profoundly illustrated by that jar of cherries on a somber summer evening.
Firstly, I felt deeply understood by Uncle Bill and Aunt Catherine. They had, in that moment, sensed our emotional state, our unspoken needs. This understanding was more impactful than the cherries themselves. They seemed to intuitively know that we were likely too weary to prepare a proper meal. They seemed to understand that a simple bowl of home-canned cherries could, for a fleeting moment, restore a sense of normalcy, of family comfort amidst grief. It wasn’t just the cherries, but the palpable feeling of being understood and cared for that resonated so deeply. This empathetic connection is paramount in selecting truly meaningful Christmas gifts. It’s about seeing beyond the surface and understanding the recipient’s heart.
Secondly, the Christmas gift felt utterly free. There was no sense of obligation, no expectation attached to their offering. Uncle Bill and Aunt Catherine’s act was purely voluntary, motivated by genuine care. It was evident that their joy stemmed from the act of giving itself, not from any anticipated reciprocation. This element of selfless giving is vital, particularly when giving Christmas gifts. The best Christmas gifts are given without strings attached, born from a desire to bring joy and not to obligate or manipulate.
Thirdly, there was an element of sacrifice, subtly interwoven into this simple Christmas gift. One might question how sacrifice and joyful giving can coexist. The sacrifice was evident in the homemade nature of the cherries. They were home-bottled, likely intended for Uncle Bill and Aunt Catherine’s own family. They were giving away something they themselves valued and enjoyed. This implied a conscious choice to forgo their own pleasure for ours. However, and this is the remarkable part, it was clear that they perceived greater joy in giving us these cherries than in keeping them for themselves. This is the essence of true sacrificial giving, a hallmark of exceptional Christmas gifts. While sacrifice is inherent in giving, masterful givers, especially of Christmas gifts, allow the recipient to sense the joy the sacrifice brings them, the givers. It’s not about highlighting the cost or effort, but about conveying the love and joy that motivated the sacrifice in the first place.
These, then, are the three pillars of my theory – empathy, freedom, and joyful sacrifice. When you are on the receiving end of a truly great Christmas gift, or any gift for that matter, you will likely sense these three elements in the giver. They have felt what you feel and been touched by it; they have given freely, and they have considered sacrifice a privilege.
Now, applying this theory to your own Christmas gift-giving might seem daunting. I don’t expect a sudden transformation into gift-giving gurus. Learning to truly empathize, to give freely, and to find joy in sacrifice takes time and practice, extending beyond just one holiday season. But you can begin this Christmas by focusing on becoming a better receiver of Christmas gifts. Pay attention. Appreciate the intention behind the Christmas gifts you receive. My theory posits that you, as receivers, wield significant power in shaping others into better givers. Your appreciative heart can elevate any Christmas gift, while a lack of acknowledgment can diminish even the most thoughtfully chosen present.
Consider my friend and his daughter again. Would a car be a good Christmas gift? Potentially, yes, but the key lies in the daughter’s perception. On Christmas morning, if her eyes can see beyond the car itself, to her father and the family’s love behind it, the Christmas gift becomes truly meaningful. If she recognizes his understanding of her needs, if she understands that the car wasn’t given out of obligation or expectation, and if she perceives the sacrifice and the joy with which it was given, then the car transcends mere transportation. It becomes a symbol of love and support, a Christmas gift that will continue to carry her long after the car’s engine has given out. Her appreciation, if genuine and lasting, will transform whatever Christmas gift awaits her into something truly special.
Effective gift-giving, especially of Christmas gifts, requires both a sensitive giver and a receptive receiver. This Christmas, let’s use this theory not to critique the Christmas gifts we receive, but to recognize and appreciate the instances where our hearts are understood, and Christmas gifts are given joyfully, even sacrificially.
There’s a proactive step you can take this Christmas season to become a more proficient gift-giver yourself. And as students, you have unique opportunities to prepare truly exceptional Christmas gifts – gifts that extend beyond the material realm and into the future. Let me elaborate.
You can begin right now, perhaps even in your dorm room. Is there an unfinished assignment lingering in your stacks of papers? Perhaps a paper seemingly ready for submission. Why invest more effort? I discovered the answer during a religion class at Ricks College. We were studying Doctrine and Covenants section 25, where Emma Smith is instructed to dedicate her time to “writing and to learning much” (verse 8). A student in the class questioned the practicality of honing writing skills, stating her future would likely involve only writing letters to her children. The class chuckled, and I felt momentarily embarrassed for seemingly misapplying the scripture. I could easily envision her future – a loving mother surrounded by children, writing neatly penned letters in purple ink. Perhaps powerful writing skills weren’t essential for her.
Then, a young man, a quiet, older student who had rarely spoken, stood up. He shared his experience as a soldier in Vietnam. During a perceived lull in combat, he had ventured to the mail call, leaving his rifle behind. Just as he received a letter, enemy fire erupted. He fought his way back to his rifle, surviving the attack. Later, amidst the aftermath, he opened his letter. It was from his mother. She wrote of a spiritual prompting, assuring her he would return home safely if he remained righteous. In class, he quietly stated, “That letter was scripture to me. I kept it.” And sat down.
Imagine your future son, perhaps facing danger. Can you envision his face, his fear? Does it touch your heart? Would you freely give him comfort? What sacrifice would crafting such a letter entail? It’s not a task for a rushed moment. It might take days, weeks, even years of developing your writing skills. Start practicing now. Return to that unfinished paper. Rewrite, refine, and perfect it. It won’t feel like sacrifice if you envision that future son, feel his potential fear, and consider the letters he might one day desperately need. This is a Christmas gift you can begin preparing now, a gift of your developed abilities.
Perhaps writing isn’t your immediate focus. Maybe it’s a textbook, with a challenging math problem lurking within. Math problems, often discreetly tucked away, easily skipped. But consider a future Christmas. Your teenage child declares, “I hate school!” Beneath the statement lies not hatred for school itself, but the sting of failure, particularly in mathematics.
Touched by their struggle, you want to help. You open the textbook, offering to tackle a problem together. You might be surprised to find the same old rowboat problem – still traveling downstream in two hours, upstream in five, still asking for current speed and distance. That rowboat has been navigating those waters for generations! You might be tempted to commiserate, to show your child that you too struggle with math. But take my advice: that’s a poor Christmas gift.
A far better Christmas gift is the preparation you undertake now. My father, as a boy, wrestled with that rowboat problem and countless others. This groundwork equipped him to become a scientist, to make a meaningful impact in chemistry. But more importantly, it enabled him to impact me. Our family room wasn’t fancy. It had chairs and a green chalkboard. When I reached my child’s age, math felt insurmountable. I had convinced myself, and some teachers agreed, that I simply couldn’t do math.
But my father disagreed. He believed in me. So, we spent hours at that chalkboard. I don’t recall specific material Christmas gifts from that time. But I vividly remember the chalkboard, his patient guidance, and sometimes, his less-than-patient encouragement. He built my math skills, and in doing so, he built my confidence. This Christmas gift required more than just present time; it drew on time invested years prior, time he dedicated to mastering math himself. Because of his past efforts, he could help me then. And because of his Christmas gift to me, I can now help my own son with his math. We’ve navigated that same rowboat together. His report card now reads “much improved.” But the most significant improvement is his newfound confidence in himself. No material Christmas gift under the tree for my son Stuart this year can rival the enduring value of that accomplishment.
I see some art or music majors smiling, perhaps skeptical. Can unfinished art assignments truly hold hidden Christmas gifts? Consider this: recently, I attended an Eagle Scout court of honor. Many such events blur together, but this one was different. Before the badge presentation, a slide and sound show began. The lights dimmed, and two voices filled the room. A famous singer provided background music, while the narrator was the Eagle Scout’s father. Slides of soaring eagles, majestic mountains, and moon landings flashed across the screen. I don’t know if the Eagle Scout felt the lump in my throat, but I know he will cherish that Christmas gift. His father had clearly invested hours preparing slides, crafting soaring narration, and meticulously coordinating music and words. Imagine your future son being honored in such a way, family and friends watching with pride. You will want, with your whole heart, to express who he is and who he can become. Whether you can give that profound Christmas gift then depends on whether you cultivate your creative skills now. Start building those skills today, and you’ll be preparing a Christmas gift far more impactful than you can currently imagine.
Consider one more type of Christmas gift, one that requires even earlier preparation. I witnessed its inception when I was a bishop. A student sat across my desk, confessing past mistakes. He yearned for a future where his children would have a father who could exercise the priesthood, a father to whom they could be eternally sealed. He knew the path of repentance would be arduous. Then he uttered words I will never forget: “Bishop, I am coming back. I will do whatever it takes. I am coming back.” He felt remorse and possessed faith in Christ. Yet, the journey took months of dedicated effort. Finally, he asked if his efforts were sufficient, seeking assurance, not guesswork.
Around that time, a wise priesthood leader asked if I had any questions. I asked how to discern when repentance is complete. His response surprised me. He didn’t lecture on repentance or revelation. He simply asked a series of questions: “Does he attend all his meetings?” “Yes.” “Is he punctual?” “Yes.” “Does he follow instructions?” “Yes.” “Promptly?” “Yes.” The questions continued in this vein, all met with affirmative answers. Then he asked, “Do you have your answer?” And I did.
And so, this Christmas, somewhere there is a family headed by a righteous priesthood holder. They possess eternal hope and earthly peace. He will likely give his family brightly wrapped Christmas gifts, but none will compare to the Christmas gift he began preparing long ago in my office, a gift he has consistently given ever since. He sensed the needs of children he only dreamed of, and he gave early and freely. He sacrificed pride, laziness, and emotional numbness. I am certain it no longer feels like sacrifice.
He could give that profound Christmas gift because of an even greater Christmas gift given long ago. God the Father gave His Son, and Jesus Christ gave us the Atonement, the ultimate Christmas gift, the epitome of giving. They felt the collective pain and sorrow of sin for all humanity. Paul’s words resonate deeply:
“Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” [Hebrews 4:14–16]
I testify that Jesus freely and willingly gave this ultimate Christmas gift to us all. He declared, “Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself.” (John 10:17–18). Every person enters this life with this Christmas gift – the promise of resurrection and eternal life with Him.
And I testify that accepting this Christmas gift, given through infinite sacrifice, brings joy to the Giver. Jesus taught, “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” (Luke 15:7).
If this truth resonates with you, as it does with me, you might feel a desire to give a Christmas gift back to the Savior. Others offered Christmas gifts at His birth. Knowing what we know, our desire to give back should be even greater. But what can we give Him? He seemingly possesses everything. Yet, He doesn’t yet have you, eternally, with Him. May you be moved by His love to recognize His longing for you to return home to Him. You can’t give Him that complete Christmas gift in a day or a single Christmas, but you can show Him today that you are on that path. Through prayer, scripture study, and commandment keeping.
If you are already doing these things, there’s still more to give. All around you are individuals He loves, individuals He can only reach through you and me. A hallmark of accepting the Savior’s Atonement, His ultimate Christmas gift, is a desire to give to others. The process of spiritual cleansing cultivates sensitivity, grace, and a desire to share what is most precious to us. This, perhaps, is why the Savior emphasized giving when describing those who will inherit His kingdom:
“Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” [Matthew 25:34–40]
And that, I believe, is the most beautiful consequence of receiving great Christmas gifts – it inspires us to give, and to give generously. I have been profoundly blessed by such Christmas gifts throughout my life. Many were given long ago. We approach the birthday of the Prophet Joseph Smith, who gave his life that the gospel of Jesus Christ might be restored. My ancestors left their homelands to embrace this gospel, a Christmas gift for me and generations to come. In the early days of the Saints in the mountains, material Christmas gifts were scarce. One journal entry simply reads: “December 25, 1855: Fixed a shed and went to the cedars. Four sheep died last night. Froze.” I acknowledge these sacrifices, these profound Christmas gifts, and hope to pass them forward to those I have yet to meet.
So, let us strive to both appreciate and give a truly merry Christmas.
“Freely ye have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8). May we give freely this Christmas season. May we be moved by the feelings of others, give without compulsion or expectation, and find joy in the sweet sacrifice of bringing happiness to another heart. This is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Henry B. Eyring delivering a speech on Christmas gifts and giving
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Henry B. Eyring was Commissioner of the Church Educational System of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this devotional address was given at Brigham Young University on 16 December 1980.
