Rethinking Family Christmas Gifts: Creating Meaningful Traditions

Christmas. The very word conjures up images of twinkling lights, festive decorations, and the joyous anticipation of gifts. For many families, exchanging presents is a cornerstone of the holiday season, a tradition passed down through generations. Like many, I grew up with the familiar rituals: trimming the tree, baking cookies, and of course, the excitement of Christmas morning gifts. When I started my own family, these traditions felt essential, a way to create that magical Christmas spirit for my children.

However, as the years went by and my family grew, that Christmas magic started to feel… different. The endless shopping lists, the crowded stores, the sheer volume of gifts – it all began to feel overwhelming. Instead of joy, the holiday season brought stress and exhaustion. The focus seemed to have shifted from togetherness and celebration to an almost frantic pursuit of the perfect presents.

One particularly chaotic December, I found myself questioning everything. “What if we just… stopped the Christmas gifts for the kids?” I asked my husband one evening, half-joking, half-serious. To my surprise, he didn’t dismiss the idea. And so began our journey of rethinking family Christmas gifts and what we truly wanted the holiday season to mean for our family.

Beyond the Gift Exchange: Reclaiming the Christmas Spirit

Coming from a large Filipino-American family, Christmas is a big deal. The joke about Filipinos celebrating Christmas for all months ending in “ber” isn’t far from the truth. The desire of my extended family, especially my parents and sisters, to shower my children, their only grandchildren/nieces and nephews, with gifts was immense. The thought of suggesting we forgo the traditional gift exchange felt almost sacrilegious.

Yet, I knew something had to change. I carefully crafted a message to my extended family, gently proposing we shift our focus. Instead of presents at Christmas, we would celebrate birthdays with gifts, reserving the holiday season for something different, something more meaningful. We wanted to prioritize values that felt increasingly lost in the commercial frenzy of Christmas.

1. Emphasizing Experiences Over Things: Making Memories That Last

Living in New York City provides us with a wealth of festive Christmas activities, and we wanted to take full advantage of them. Instead of more toys that would eventually be forgotten, we wanted to gift our children experiences, creating lasting memories together. Visiting the iconic Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree and exploring the enchanting Holiday Train Show at Grand Central Terminal became cherished family outings.

Another tradition we’ve embraced is a pre-Christmas getaway to the Poconos mountains. Spending quality time in a cozy cabin, surrounded by nature, allows us to disconnect from the city bustle and reconnect as a family. We fill our days with simple pleasures: watching holiday movies, playing board games, and simply enjoying each other’s company. These shared experiences have become far more valuable than any material gift.

2. Cultivating a Spirit of Giving: Teaching Our Children to Serve Others

We also wanted to instill in our children the true spirit of Christmas – the spirit of generosity and giving back. Inspired by Charlie Brown’s lament about the commercialization of Christmas, we sought to shift the focus from receiving to giving.

We started small, giving out bags of coffee to people we encountered on the streets, offering gift cards to the hardworking staff at our local bodegas, and baking cookies for our neighbors. These acts of kindness, however small, became a tangible way for our children to understand that Christmas is about more than just receiving; it’s about spreading joy and warmth to others.

This shift in perspective was driven by fundamental questions: Could Christmas be something other than a self-centered, materialistic celebration? As parents, how could we best guide our children to embrace values that transcend consumerism and reflect the true meaning of the season?

New Traditions, Evolving Values: Finding What Works for Your Family

Six years into our “rethinking family Christmas gifts” journey, our traditions have evolved, but our core values remain the same. We still don’t do a traditional gift exchange, but we’ve introduced a “Secret Santa” where each child buys a small gift for a sibling at a budget-friendly store like Five Below. This adds a touch of the gift-giving excitement back in, but in a more controlled and less overwhelming way.

Our Poconos trips have become a non-negotiable part of our Christmas. Whether we stay at our friend’s cabin or a Christian camp, the focus is always on family time and creating cozy memories. We’ve added a hot cocoa bar and a family movie night with homemade popcorn. One year, my sisters joined us, and the hilarious “plastic wrap game” tradition was born, adding another layer of fun and laughter to our celebrations. And for the past five years, a visit to Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, famous for its extravagant Christmas lights, has been a must-do, complete with overpriced (but eagerly anticipated) ice cream from the neighborhood trucks.

I understand that for some, this might sound a bit… Grinch-like. The thought of eliminating Christmas gifts can be met with resistance, especially from children and well-meaning grandparents. But I believe there are paradigm shifts that can benefit any family, regardless of their gift-giving choices.

Value Experiences and Quality Time: Instead of more “stuff,” consider gifting experiences. A trip to the ice cream shop, movie tickets, a concert, or a sporting event can create lasting memories. Think about gifts that keep on giving, like a membership to a museum or botanical garden. These experiences enrich lives far beyond the fleeting joy of opening a present.
Invest in Educational Gifts and Talents: Instead of the latest fad toy that will be discarded within days, consider gifts that nurture a child’s interests and talents. A musically inclined child might appreciate a new instrument, while a budding artist would love an art kit or art lessons. These gifts contribute to their growth and development, fostering passions and skills.

Choosing Your Own Christmas Path

When I recently asked my sisters about their initial reaction to our “no Christmas gifts” text, I was surprised by their responses. One sister, whose love language is quality time, was excited to redirect her resources towards experiences with the kids. Others were relieved to have birthdays as their designated “spoiling” time. One sister even embraced the challenge of creating new, meaningful traditions.

My mom admitted to initial disappointment, missing the joy of seeing the kids open presents on Christmas morning. And I acknowledge the unique dynamic between grandparents and parents. However, I deeply respect my parents for honoring our decision, even if they didn’t fully agree.

My intention is not to dictate how every family should celebrate Christmas. Rather, I want to encourage parents to be intentional about their traditions, to question the “status quo,” and to realize the freedom they have to create a Christmas that truly reflects their family’s values.

As parents, we have the agency to choose what is best for our families, season after season. We can adapt, adjust, and pivot as needed. I hope our family’s story serves as a reminder of the freedom we have in Christ to shape our parenting journey and create Christmases that are both meaningful and memorable, focusing on the true spirit of the season rather than just family Christmas gifts.